Words That Hold You

Sometimes all we need is someone else’s truth to make space for our own.

There’s something holy about finding the right words in the middle of your unraveling; a sentence that names the ache, a chapter that doesn’t flinch, a poem that makes you feel less alone. This is a collection of those kinds of words.

You’ll find books that walk beside you, articles that don’t tidy grief up, and tools that explain what no one ever taught us about loss. Some are raw. Some are quiet. All of them understand something about the love you’re carrying.

Take what you need. Leave the rest. Come back anytime.

Book Recommendations

A handpicked list of grief books that tell the truth; tenderly, fiercely, and without clichés. These are not “how to get over it” books. They’re the kind that sit with you in the dark and whisper, me too.

New Zealand Authors

• Resilient Grieving – Dr. Lucy Hone
  A powerful, research-informed book written after the sudden death of the author’s 12-year-old daughter. Dr. Hone combines personal story with evidence-based strategies, offering hope without false positivity. Practical, grounded, and compassionate.

• With You Then, Still – Kate Camp
   A searing, poetic memoir about the death of the author's mother, layered with memory, longing, and the complexity of maternal grief.

• On Coming Home – Paula Morris (ed.)
   A beautifully curated anthology of essays by Aotearoa writers about returning — to places, to people, to grief.

• The Grief Almanac – Vana Manasiadis
   Hybrid poetry and prose exploring generational grief, migration, and motherhood. Evocative and experimental.

• A Gentle Radical – Alice Te Punga Somerville (includes grief threads woven through whakapapa, identity, and belonging)

• My Heart Is a Little Wild Thing – Nigel Featherstone
   Although Australian, this quiet novel has resonated with many Kiwi readers — exploring care, loss, and queerness.

International Must-Reads

• It’s OK That You’re Not OK – Megan Devine
   A modern grief bible. Honest, validating, and full of language that helps you feel seen.

• Good Mourning: Honest Conversations About Grief and Loss – Sally Douglas & Imogen Carn
  From the creators of the hit podcast Good Mourning, this book offers raw, real, and relatable stories about grief — including their own experiences of sudden loss. It’s a compassionate, no-BS guide through the messiness of mourning, friendship, identity shifts, and healing (without the toxic positivity).

• Grief Is Love – Marisa Renee Lee
   Speaks powerfully about Black grief, mother loss, and the deep connections that don’t die.

• The Wild Edge of Sorrow – Francis Weller
   Poetic, ritual-rich, and steeped in community wisdom. A deeper dive into the collective soul of grief.

• Bearing the Unbearable – Dr Joanne Cacciatore
   Especially potent for child loss — raw, spiritual, and compassionate.

• The Smell of Rain on Dust – Martín Prechtel
   A lyrical, cultural look at grief through the lens of Indigenous wisdom.

• Permission to Mourn – Tom Zuba
   Simple and gentle, ideal for early grief or when you're too exhausted for complexity.

• Modern Loss – Rebecca Soffer & Gabrielle Birkner (eds.)
   Bite-sized essays that are funny, devastating, awkward, and real. A great one for people who hate traditional grief books.

[Download Printable List)

Articles / Writings

Sometimes a single page is enough. Here’s a mix of original reflections and handpicked reads that might hold something you didn’t know you needed.

Original Pieces by Kirsten

(from the blog)

• She Didn’t Leave a Note — So I Write One Every Day

• Grief Doesn’t Care About the Calendar

• I Planted a Garden Because I Couldn’t Breathe

Curated Reads

• “How Long Does Grief Last?” – Megan Devine (Refuge In Grief)

• “Grief looks a lot like crazy” – Modern Loss

• “In search of a language of loss” - Johanna Thomas- Corr

• “F*ck the stages of grief” – Elephant Journal

• “Ambiguous loss and The Myth of Closure” – Pauline Boss

• “Grief is healing in motion” - Toko-pa Turner

• “Grief rituals for a time of rupture” - Matthew Fox

Grief Literacy Tools

Because no one taught us how to do this.
Because most people are still doing it wrong.

This section unpacks what grief really is; not just sadness, but identity, memory, rage, love, trauma, biology, spirit, and survival. It's a crash course in staying human while the world keeps spinning.

You'll find:

• Definitions that don’t oversimplify

• Explainers about types of grief (ambiguous, delayed, collective, etc.)

• Links to Letters to the Lost, the Rituals Library, and selected Blog posts

• Toolkits to help others understand what not to say, and how to actually show up

Whether you're grieving, or supporting someone who is; this is the kind of grief education that should be taught in schools, whispered at funerals, and handed out with the death certificate.

[Visit the Grief Literacy Hub →]